The bamboo was thick, and Fifi Lefume gently panted as she made her way through. This unexplored part of China called to her like a new fashion line back home. Though Fifi is usually dressed to impress, today it was functionality all the way with the barest hint of aesthetic. Her bare paws were surprisingly used to rough terrain, many adventures for priceless artifacts will do that to one self. The uneven ground rarely made her stumble. When she did, the tough material of her cargo capri pants didn’t even threaten to tear. Though the color of mud, in the wilderness that barely mattered and she didn’t have to worry.
Another hour passed and she sighed, “Eef Eet were any more difficult to locehte zis Pagoda, I would ‘ave to pack climbing boots” She tugged at her tan collar and the gray undershirt beneath. Layers helped to keep the heat off, and the colors doubled the effect. Even her black fingerless gloves and leather belt served their purpose; Hand protection without any grip loss, and keeping her normally loose shirts and whip neatly tucked where they wouldn’t easily snag. Fifi smirked as she approached the clearing, all these thoughts on her outfit almost made her forget why she was here. Stepping into the beginnings of a field, she saw her objective off in the distance. “Ze Pagoda of Peril… At Last,”
The skunk breathed a sigh of relief at the soft grass beneath her paws. “All zat rough terrain vas meking my paws sore.” She giggled, “I vill have to arrange a pedicure vhen I return home.” She smiled at the thought of a good pampering, but soon her brow set as she approached the old structure. Fifi Lafume had a mission, and the Diamond Tiger of the Ming dynasty would not rescue itself. She pressed herself against the wall of the Pagoda, peeking around the corner into the door. The old metal doors were rusted and aged, but already wide open. She smiled, her theory was correct; the thieves and bandits she was searching for were last reported heading to this area, and this was the only structure for miles. If they hadn't been here, then they would’ve most likely fled to the distant mountains, and she’d have a lot more walking to do.
Inside the ancient structure, the old metal and wood struggled and creaked from age. The stone of the first floor provided assurance for stability, but the upper floors may prove more dangerous. As Fifi considered this her eyes focused on the three figures before her. They were standing up to face her, turning and talking in some local dialect before one of them stepped forward, speaking in heavily accented English. “You don’t belong here….”
“Gentlemen, perdon my… interruption, but I was informed that the Diamond Tiger of the Ming Dynasty was nearby, would you know anything about it?” The lead weasel squinted while the one behind him to his right began to speak, but the one to his left smacked him while insulting him in the native tongue. The one in front rolled his eyes and shook his head. “We don’t have tiger, now leave.”
Fifi for her part simply smirked and put a finger to her chin in a coy pose “Vell now zat iz strange. The thieves were last seen in zis area and zis iz ze only beelding in ze area… so you three must know something.” She played on her french accent intimidating the three and it worked… sort of. The lead one stared at her with a raised eyebrow while the two in the back looked more confused and put off by it. “Where is the Tiger??” She raised her voice a bit but the lead weasel simply shook his head and moved forward. “Don’t know what you speak of, now you must leave. You not welcome here.” He approached the skunk and Fifi frowned, she had no intention of leaving and no thug hired for money was going to stop her. As the weasel’s arm came into reach the skunk recoiled, pulling her arm inward and launching it back out in a strong karate chop. The weasel grunted as he took the hit across the chest, his comrades rushing forward whilst shouting. Fifi took a ready stance, having trained in Karate all the way to black belt and dabbled in kung fu, she had a ready arsenal of martial arts to lay waste to these ruffians. As the first weasel reached her, she caught his fist and twirled into a throw, landing the weasel on his back. With a palm strike the first enemy was out, and not too soon as the one she had chopped had somewhat recovered. With a quick hop and sweep of her leg the already weakened weasel was felled, head striking the stone floor hard. The final weasel, fear driving his desperate charge, ran directly into Fifi’s roundhouse kick. All three weasels had been engaged and dispatched within seconds, and Fifi simply breathed a sigh and brushed herself off. “Amateurs”
The stairs of the pagoda creaked with age as Fifi made her way up to the second floor. The open door revealed a more narrow passageway leading to a ladder, foolishly she took a step forward. The moment her foot touched the floor, a click sounded loudly as darts were shot from the walls. The passage was not so narrow that Fifi was stuck immediately but she still had to act fast. She looked up and saw a beam of light very visible throughout the room, taking a deep breath she sprinted forward just as the darts flew through where she was. The adventurer rolled into a somersault as more darts came her way. The trigger light was unavoidable but she did not pause, from the somersault she pushed off in a backwards handspring, this time into an aerial somersault as she cleared most of the floor and escaped the threat of the light completely. She took a deep breath and smirked back at the now silent trap, “One does not trap a gymnast vith treeks of the light.”
The ladder led up through a hole in the third floor, as she climbed she saw that the stairway had collapsed and understood the need for a ladder. She huffed a bit as she reached the top, “Third floor…. One more to go….” She looked at the ceiling and hummed at the support beams visible there. “Seems some parts are better made than others.” A look to the floor made her frown. A checkered pattern spread from where she stood to the passageway to the top floor. “Well… zis is certainly an obvious trap. I wonder how zey set this one up.” She shifted her weight on the tile she stood on and nodded to herself, “Solid enough.” Taking a step onto the second tile however resulted in it falling to the level below. She had barely stepped onto it thankfully so she remained safely on the first tile. “So Zat is how it is then.” She took pause to examine the tile beneath herself and the tiles before her, she huffed, there was no pattern.
Fifi slowly took the room tile by tile, tapping lightly on each one before she put her full weight on it. There were the uncommon few that fooled her into stepping on them, only to fall away once she had already taken pause. She had to scamper over several tiles only halfway across the chamber before resting. “Oh dear, zis is not nearly as easy as the first two…” She shook her head and took a few more moments to collect herself before she proceeded forward. With one tentative step after the other she moved, it was painfully slow but there was no other way to face this challenge. Fifi stopped as she made it three-quarters of the way across the room. Upon investigating the other side in more detail she came to a realization; there was no exit. Like the previous level, that part of the structure had collapsed. She grit her teeth in frustration, “I deed not come all zis way just to turn beck now.”
Fifi scanned the wall and the ceiling and found what she was looking for, a rope dangled from a hole in the final floor. Fifi had a moment of foolishness and recklessness as she darted forward, but in her haste she had disregarded the tiles at her feet. As soon as her feet touched the last two tiles the floor gave out, just barely she leapt onto the rope, but fate was not on her side today as the rope gave way and snapped as her weight hit the strands.Fifi seemed to fall in slow motion as she glanced beneath her, a long and fatal fall for sure. In the moment she remembered, the support beams above her were sturdy and solid. Her hand found her whip before she fully grasped her plan for salvation. With a flick and a lunge the whip wrapped around the strong timber, catching and holding fast and leaving the polecat dangling over a story and a half fall. “Well I may not have been made for flying,” She climbed carefully, one hand after the other and slowly she rose, “But I can make dew.”
The final floor contained a large chamber with a stone Table in the center. Fifi gasped as she looked at the treasure resting upon this platform; The Diamond Tiger of the Ming Dynasty. Mesmerized, Lafume stepped forward, approaching the table and gazing upon it even more closely. Her arms reached to attempt to grasp it, but the resulting Gong nearly sent Fifi to the ceiling in surprise. As she landed and looked around, she saw now that she was surrounded. These weasels were all a little larger than the ones on the first floor, but none of them looked as unprepared. Each one of them was dressed in a han fu; the traditional garb of Shaolin kung fu. ‘This just got serious.’ Fifi thought as took her ready stance against the silent warriors. They had one objective, to protect this artifact. The first assailant approached and his movements were not wasted, no wild swings or shouting, he lunged and shot his fist out in a direct line to Fifi’s face. Lafume did not train for years to be beaten by these warriors.
The first response was a sweep kick that caught the warrior by surprise, sending him sprawling, however the weasel rolled away whilst his ally struck from behind, Fifi ducked a high kick and responded with her own low, the attacker grit his teeth as he fell into an upward punch, dazing him long enough to receive a finishing kick that sent him to dreamland. The remaining three paused, all of a sudden their skill seemed equaled by this little skunk. They looked to each other and nodded before spreading out around the Fifi, for her part the skunk watched each one, glancing around as she was surrounded. She smirked, these weasels thought they could surround her, well she would not let them. The moment they paused in their new positions she darted, not forward, but to her left, the Weasel flinched and that was his mistake. Fifi leapt over the warrior chopping him in the neck before he could completely turn to face her, with a palm strike follow-up to the face and a hard kick to the gut and then the face as well, another weasel was down. The weasel fell just as the last two assailants double-teamed and attacked her together. Fifi raised her arms in a block of the first kick, but she fell backwards with it, rolling up and jumping back. She hopped towards the two and circled around the left, fainting a stop she swiftly moved into the weasel’s reach but immediately tripped and grappled him into a throw. The other weasel attempted to take advantage but was met with a high side kick directly to the chin, his own momentum increased the force and he fell back with a splitting headache. The skunk did not give the two the time to recover, she stepped into a kick that ko’d the one who ran into the first one and turned to face the disoriented one still trying to shake off dizziness from her throw. “Au revoir mon ami.” With a jump and a cry of victory, the final kick was delivered, and the weasels were defeated, not to wake up for some time.
Fifi gasped and fell to her knees, she panted slowly and put an arm to her forehead in fatigue. “Phew… that one could’ve gone very badly.” She took a knee and supported herself for a moment before standing. “And now for you my leetle Shiny Statue.” Stepping up towards the stone table resulted in no hidden trigger and the Tiger sat on no pedestal or switch. She took the diamond statuette and tested its weight in her paws. “Hm, not as heavy as I was thinking.” She smiled and looked to the hole she came from, “Hmmm, not getting out zat way.” With this in mind Fifi made her way to a nearby window. The shutters had rotted away and she had a clear view of the outside. She would have to get down somehow, she took a seat as she thought up a solution. A light flicked on in Fifi’s mind, and she reached into the thick fluff of her tail and pulled out a grappling hook. “I don’t usually like taking up more space in there, but this time eet was worth it.” With careful aim she shot the grapple out to a solid hold in the roof. With a test of its weight she began to lower herself down, having to rappel in a few places before she came to a halt halfway through the last floor. “Ah, but of course.” She clutched the Diamond Tiger tightly as she began to swing back and forth, with an adjustment for the weight of the tiger, she let go and somersaulted down into a near perfect landing. The adventure known as Fifi Lafume walked away with her prize, ready to return it to where it belonged, she gave the Pagoda one final look back and smirked, blowing it and its unconscious occupants a kiss. “Don’t worry boys, I’ll send someone to properly attend to you.” With that, Fifi Lafume walked back into the bamboo forest she had exited just an hour before, starting her trek back to civilization.
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Hey everyone, I know it's been a while but recently I hit a slump with artist's block. I plan on getting back into it with writing commissions and posting the art I buy, but I just want everyone to know that I am alright and ready to start posting again.
This story was commissioned by www.deviantart.com/windycitypu… and I must say it's interesting to work with an actual Looniversity character.
I am always open for SFW story commissions and prices are negotiable.
Fifi Lafume belongs to Warner Bros.
Good Now and God Bless